Ok this is weird for me, i've either told no one any of this or at most 1 person. Most of you I do not know IRL so this doesnt apply to you, but if i DO know you, and you read this:


NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN. DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT IT, IM NOT PROUD OF IT, TALK ABOUT IT AND I WILL HURT YOU.

Thank you...anyway

I've lived on this earth for 17+ plus years and i've been through things that have had a negative impact on my life.

I tried to kill myself when I was 15
I was checked into therapy that same year
I was diagnosed with Manic-Depressive Disorder
I lied about being better so I could deal with it on my own
Yes, I have cut myself
Yes, I still suffer from this affliction
I still view accepting help as a sign of weakness and worthlessness, therefore I only accept help once in a blue moon.
I hold religion in contempt for doing this to me.
I have gone into fits of depression to the point that I hear voices (looking back at that when I'm manic, I think that's mildly funny)
It's beyond difficult for me to express love
I bottle myself up, which will undoubtedly lead to my implosion someday.
If I ever say "I'm ok" I am lying.

If you are one of my friends, you know that i am hateful and mean-spirited. I think I've earned the right to be that way.

I know that there are millions upon millions of people who have far more worse problems than me, and I'm sure if some where to read this they would think me a wretched waste of human life ranting about things that couldnt hold a match to their problems, and i'm ok with that.

Luckily, I've found a wonderful woman to share my life with. She knows all of this, and she still loves me for it. That is why I'm still here.

I dont want you to take pity on me, nor do i want anything from you. I just want you to understand.